I know one can receive without giving for only so long, but I have not yet been able to reach out to you since Bernie’s death. I know the grieving process varies with each individual, so I have no idea how long this stage will last. Though I can see light at the end of my tunnel, I have no idea how long the tunnel is.

I can only ask that you stand by me as long as possible. Mostly, I need you to be a good listener when I share memories of Bernie. I need your support as I go through my “process,” and the best support is your ear and your attempts to just understand or accept.

So many of my thoughts and feelings just need to get out, and they simply need to be expressed. Sometimes I may say or do things that may seem uncomfortable to you, but I am in all new territory myself. I do believe that healthy expression is the key to grieving as well as sharing my inner feelings in a safe environment.

I know it isn’t easy for you to feel helpless watching me grapple to find my way. So let’s try to be honest with each other so that neither of us feels like we are walking on eggshells. If you don’t know what I want, I give you permission to ask me. If you want to talk about memories of Bernie, please know I am always eager to share about Bernie.

There may be times when I cry unexpectantly while in conversation with you. This is healthy, and it doesn’t mean I am “losing it” or “falling apart.” These upsurges of grief will pass, but I must be able to express them.

I have a need to be out socially with my friends as this brings me great comfort and helps me to maintain a high quality of life. Due to my ALS I am dependent on others to help me meet this need. Sometimes I may need a ride or an invitation to dinner. Sometimes it may be that I just need to talk. Many times I won’t know what I want. For example, Bernie and I will celebrate our 44th wedding anniversary on April 3 and I don’t know how to deal with this and I do not know how you will be able to help me.

To the extent that it’s comfortable for me, I will try to regain as much as I can of the “me” that you used to know, but i will be changed. You will see me differently either because of my behavior or your perception of who I am today.

My ALS prevents me from reaching out to you to receive your hugs. Hugs are so difficult for people to give me because of my Cadillac wheelchair as it creates a wall between you and me. Hugs are such an important part of the healing process as I journey through my grief so let’s make a commitment to continue hugging one another.